1113. yesterday evening was one of the few times in my life i felt so overwhelmed by sadness, i broke down.
i met my folks after work to have a meal before we headed home. over dinner, we spoke about them growing older, and my responsibilities growing larger as well.
and then my mother revealed a untold secret to me, something which they recently found out while buying new spectacles at their optician with my sister:
my sister's lazy eye is losing its eyesight.
suddenly, on top of the financial pressure ive been put under, i felt this undeniable mixed up sense of anxiety, guilt, disappointment and sadness.
how am i going to tackle my family's living expenses? how am i going to handle the amount needed for any specialist treatment my sister needs? or operations she has to go through?
more importantly, why didnt i find out earlier? what kind of a brother am i?
my cheeks and neck felt hot with self-anger and unhappiness. the tears just came tumbling down like someone knocked over a cup full of water.
i cried in the middle of dinner.
however much i detest my sibling of her character and attitude all seemed to just evaporated on the spot. it could all be due to her fast approaching disability. before she totally loses her sight in her lazy eye, i told myself that i have to do something now before it's too late. i have to. i must.
bring her to see a specialist, get an operation if she has to, wear special glasses if need be... whatever it takes.
because i am her brother.
her only brother.
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