blankwithoutyou

0113. a lot of people keep telling me things like:

"hey! dont give up on your dreams."

"continue to do what you like, dont let anything stop you."

"you can shoot during the weekends if you do not have the time during weekdays."

thank you all for your encouragement, but frankly, no thanks. shooting a short film is something i cannot achieve alone. since actions truly speak louder than words, instead of just opening your mouths to sprout something you halfheartedly mean to, why dont you actually chip in and help me make things happen?

i dont want to sound like im putting the blame on the people around me... no one likes to see me give up on my passion of filmmaking but NO ONE WANTS TO HELP.

who is willing to give me his/her weekend time to sit down together to think, conceptualise, plan, schedule, draft budgets and so on? who is willing to apply for leave so that he/she can go on the actual shoot with me? who is willing to become part of my team, someone who shares the same passion and goals... without getting paid?

may i ask: who?

no one i know is willing to do any of the above. no one. not even my closest of friends or family; the people whom i treat as my kin, the people whom i love. no one.

i know what some of you think: i SHOULD have went to a film or art school, then i would have known a lot more likeminded people there... but reality remains a reality. if i went to a film school, will you pay my school fees?

so in the end, it's all about money. i dont have it. so i can't shoot anything. so i'll bring my passion of filmmaking to the grave.

tragic? to me, yes. but do you give a fuck?

no one gives a fuck. life goes on after i give up filmmaking. i still have to put the bread on the table. i still have to watch my health and fitness. i still have a long journey to walk with my darling miss octopus. i still have to take care of my parents as they age. i still have many many unaccomplished things in life.

other than making short films that is.

everyone else is about the same as me. who will give a fuck about shooting unprofitable short films with me?!

i guess... people around me constantly give me these overused words of encouragement for a reason. giving up on one's dream is a really really sad thing. who would want someone they know to be a source of sadness, right?

haiz...