blankwithoutyou

1413. little do i understand what it means to be magnanimous. how does it feel to be greathearted being the insignificant, slightly self centered, unappreciated person that i am? talk about impossibilities. i'll never be generous enough for the society cos the society will never return the favour anyway.

in fact, intangible ideals like forgiveness and joy continue to elude me. funny thing about being human is we try too hard for things that are too hard to achieve. only a selected, exclusive few enjoy the true meaning of these unreachable standards. so why do the rest of us struggle so hard for?

somedays, i wish i could disconnect with everyone and leave this moforic, mundane, fabricated, superficial and mostly meaningless strive to everyone else. and wash my hands off all things mind boggling. like, you know, differentiation/integration-mind-boggling.

andddd... that aside, while going to work on friday, a queer thing happened to me on the train involving a married office lady. in case you were wondering: no, it didnt involve me cleaning out her pumpkin. or anything close. but i shant dwelve into it. nothing to be so proud of, really.