blankwithoutyou

0128. there must be something ive done or said that's making me live this life like i am.

all the suffering, rolled into a short couple of decades. my entire lifespan spent oppressively wondering about my worthlessness and the things ive done to deserve this.

twenty over years of nothingness. there's no telling if my next twenty odd years will be filled even more nothingness, pain and emotional turmoil. if there's something i cannot stand, it should be this hatred i have for myself amidst this evident truth of loneliness, despair and the everything that ive been trying to bury inside. but it's not working. even landfills will one day run out of space.

im done. ive had enough. no more.

just today, very strong feeling to discontinue the process of being alive washed over me. it felt immensely horrid and bitter, yet after it subsided, i wished for that same sensation to come again.

when the next feeling strikes again, i wont shy away. i shall answer it in full.